Over the last two weeks, I have been asked this question dozens of times. The first few times, my quick answer was a mix of "This trip is still so unbelievable to me, that for me to begin to imagine what I will be doing for the next five weeks is seemingly impossible" and "I have a long list of things to complete, but I've still got time." It wasn't until Father's Day that a family friend asked me if I was spiritually ready. Up until that point, my readiness was focused on my physicality, my financial state and the number of materials I could check off my list of things to pack. My mind was focused on the things I could control. The week to follow was, I believe, God's way of showing me in practical ways that I was not in control.
With a remaining need of nearly $700, I found myself beginning to wonder if I would be able to cover for all my needs, as well as some of the requests of the school. Although I was hesitant, I was trying my best to walk out my last 10 days home with the greatest amount of faith I could. It was Monday of last week that my finances began to shake my faith. Everything was a dollar sign; my food, my gas, the clothes I wore, my medication, my vaccinations. All I could think was "How can I get more money?"
But then the Lord revealed himself to me. The medication I thought would be $400 was now only costing me $40.
Then, Wednesday came around. This was the day I parked my car in a non-parking lane. May I point out that the non-parking times existing only on that day for 3 hours? May I also point out that I parked right in front of the sign that stated this? I felt so foolish. I felt irresponsible and completely weary. I needed my car, but I did not have the hundreds of dollars it would take to retrieve it. I barely had enough money to buy myself a bite to eat. I could hear the whispers of the enemy louder now, "You are not financially ready for this trip."
But then the Lord provided. He has blessed me with a loving boyfriend who willingly took the shot for me, with no expectation of reimbursement. I could feel the burden removed from my shoulders.
Wednesday night brought with it it's own set of troubles. As I stood with Nathan and two close friends anticipating the entertainment of U2 at their 360 Tour, I began to feel dizzy. As my body dropped and everything faded away, the whispers of the enemy were becoming all too clear - "You are not physically ready for this trip."
But then the Lord stepped in. I was aided by the medical team and was found to be dehydrated. Thankfully, I was not severely dehydrated (i.e. nauseous) and all I needed was some water.
The next day - only 5 days from my trip - I looked at my budget and my funds to see that I would need more than I anticipated. This was no longer a simple financial worry, it was affecting my spiritual readiness. My thoughts were not focused on the goodness of the Lord; I was allowing my troubles to drown me in anxiety. My prayers were more so, "Are you going to provide, Lord?", rather than loud proclamations of, "You promise to be faithful. I trust in you." The whispers of the enemy were beginning to be truth to my ears - "You are not spiritually ready for this trip."
But then the Lord's embrace met me. An anonymous letter had been sitting on my kitchen table for the last 24 hours, brought in from the mail, but temporarily overlooked. I believe overlooked because the Lord knew that I needed it most at that moment. Upon opening it $100 fell out of the envelope and tears streamed from my eyes. The whispers of the enemy were now a distant memory; the Lord's faithfulness was constant.
I see God's fingerprints all over this trip. He is quick to remind me of his love for me when I feel weak. He has been gracious to refocus my gaze from those things that I thought I could control to the ability of my Savior to provide. The last two years of preparing for this trip - the doors that shut, the people I came in contact with, the time that I could say nothing, but "Your will, God", the faith built up inside me - has been so much more than I could have imagined. It has made me all the more grateful that I was not in control because I couldn't have fashioned this process to be nearly as beautiful as the Lord has shaped it to be.
As I sat in my daughter,s kitchen, my concern was for McKenzie. She appeared to be worn out and she didn't look well. She was leaving for Zambia on the 29th and we, her family, gather to pray for her. We all felt concern for her physical condition. She was pale and we felt she ran herself down preparing for her trip. We gathered around her and began to pray. As we began praying for the many concerns we each felt, peace began to fill our hearts knowing all was in God's hands. The peace that surpasses all understanding reassured us and our concerns began to fade away. When I looked at McKenzie, her countenance was changed. She looked refreshed and confident, her face had more color. It was like she took a deep breath and felt her God. He called her and He wouldn't not send her into harms way. He's in control. Thank you, Lord, for giving her this opportunity to serve you and to Bless others. In doing so, she also is Blessed.
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