In my weakness, his strength is made perfect

“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the field yield no food, the flock by cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.” Habakkuk 3:17-18

The last 48 hours have been some of the most straining hours I have ever experienced. Physically, spiritually and emotionally I was stretched to what I thought was beyond my limit.

It all started on Saturday. I was very tired all day. I tried to resist taking the two naps that I did for I knew there was much to be done. As evening approached, my body was empty of heat and energy. I tried to hide it because we were visiting a friend’s house for dinner. When dinner was served, I barely had an appetite but in order to be polite, I ate as much as I could. I hope to see this family again so that I can apologize for my lack of energy.

When arriving home that night, I finally convinced myself that asking if I felt hot or if I had a fever would not be grumbling or whining. Basically, I had to reveal my weakness, lay down my pride. I had a slight fever of 99.3

That night, sleeping was a struggle. I tossed and turned hoping to find relief for my aching body. My joy was creeping away and all I could think was “I wish I was home.” Tears streamed down my face as I realized how far away the comforts of home were.

In the morning, I felt awful. My body was so hot and then very cold. My fever has increased to 100.9. To be careful, Bonnie suggested I go and get tested for Malaria at the clinic. The fast you catch it, the better.

The wait at the clinic seemed to drag on for nearly an hour. We were in a small room on wooden chairs with 15 others. The wind was pouring through the broken window. I must have looked miserable because people kept staring. Finally, I was called in to see the nurse and my blood was taken to be tested. Those 15 minutes of waiting, Bonnie was so kind to warm my body by rubbing my arms. In my mind, I was trying to determine how I would manage not o foolishly cry if I did indeed have Malaria. I have seen the effects Of Malaria. People have gone blind, deaf, lost limbs and even died. I cannot imagine living in a world where this fear constantly exists.

Much to my surprise, I did not have Malaria. I say “to my surprise” because I had nearly all the symptoms. The thing with Malaria is that it’s symptoms seem very similar to other illnesses se without the test it is hard to tell. The nurse then mentioned that the Malaria could be hiding behind the anti-Malaria pill. I wouldn’t be able to tell until the next day – if my symptoms got worse. Then, she seemed confused as to what to do next. Bonnie has to go ahead and suggest that we take the medication anyway and administer it as needed.

The whole day, I made feeble attempts at eating and drinking. I kept telling myself that it would help rebuild my strength in the long run, despite the fact that everything I was taking in was just running right through me.

Although I missed home and the comfort of my mom and dad caring for my sick body, I could not have asked for a better comforter. Bonnie check on me every hour, filled my hot water bottles, put socks on my feet, rubbed my aching body, fed me and read Scripture to me. I nearly cried when her prayer thanked God in advance for his healing. I knew this but hearing this from a heat that believes it encouraged me greatly.

Today, I feel much better. Although my body is not fully restored, my fever and headache are gone. Now I am only taking 3 medications rather than the 6 I was taking yesterday. My body is slowly but surely regaining strength. Please pray for continued strength and energy each day and for sickness to stay far from this house.

By God’s grace, I am able to say I am grateful for this time of sickness. I have tasted in a very small way the challenge that face each Zambian every day. When I see someone sick, I can now feel their pain and feel their fear. The comfort I experienced because of Bonnie and the comforts I experience at home. I wish to impart to them. My heart is heavy for their physical health. I feel as though the Lord is giving me His eyes and His heart.

I am also reminded of something that was said to me before leaving on this journey – Satan will rise against you when God is about a good work. I feel my joy waning. Please pray! Even in my suffering, I desire the joy of the Lord!

“Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” (James 1:2-3) With confidence, I hold my Lord to his words – my faith will indeed create a steadfastness in me!